Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I am a "very bad man. very bad."

A lot of people have asked: "who is this Abu character?"

Abu is my nemesis. He (or she) is the host, and I am the virus. And Abu constantly takes medicine to try and kill me. But I am a vicious virus. I will not go away.

OK, some background first...

One casualty of the storm is the wireless at the station. It has been down ever since Ike and there is no indication when or if we will get it back.

This is a bit of a problem for those of us who need our laptops to do our job. The company has a policy against allowing us access to the hardline Internet from non-company computers. (I assume they think we will download animal porn). But almost everything I need to do my job is on the desktop of my laptop.

So we have been trying to find unsecured signals to "borrow" in the building.

We have most of the 7th floor, so when we find a signal it is pretty weak and usually from another floor.

Enter Abu.

Abu is the name of an unsecured wireless signal.

Abu became a part of my life the day after Ike. Abu is a very weak signal, but it is unsecured. (Please, no Internet etiquette lectures. Yes, I know I could buy my own wireless. I don't roll that way. Besides, the station has a GREAT signal. When it works. And if dude doesn't want me poaching, make it a secure wireless).

In many ways, Abu is like a family member now. He joins my friends at the apartment, "Carrie," "Miss snake" and "Robertd." (Really interested in meeting "Miss Snake." I mean, a miss with a snake? Hmmmm...maybe that's something I can download).

But Abu is fickle. He kicks me off, usually when I need him the most. He will let me in long enough to write an email, but not long enough to send it. He cuts off my chats at inopportune moments.

I can almost picture Abu, sitting somewhere in an office in the eighth floor, getting increasingly agitated as I steal his signal.

I half expect him to storm in one day and go all Seinfeld on me. "You are very bad man, Mr. Fred. Very bad." (OK, my apologies, Babu)

I have a love/hate relationship with Abu. Some mornings Abu is helpful and friendly. Others? We are in an all out war. That's where we are now. Abu must die.

(Wow, Abu sounds a lot like a wife, huh?)

But I would like to thank him (or her) for letting me stay on long enough to post this.

I know you are watching, Abu. Be afraid. Be very afraid. I AM a very bad man.

Hope you enjoyed the animal porn.


Dana said...

O.K...I have suspected for quite some time that you are insane, but now it is official.

Thanks for the laugh on an otherwise dreadful day!

Susan Garlington said...

Hey Fred, I am also poaching a neighbors wireless signal known only as Sparkle Dazzle. Sparkle Dazzle is a lot like Abu, it disconnects me during aces and at all the important times. I've come to love Sparkle Dazzle though as well as the free basic cable coming into my townhouse so I don't bitch too much.

I secretly wonder if Sparkle Dazzle is a stripper or Clown. Either way it's a plus in my book.

Hope to see ya at Chris' game soon