Monday, February 9, 2009

Watch out, world. Hunger and headaches make you dangerous

OK, I've had a brain-tumor headache for four days. I'm about to spend the next five days being on the air for eight hours a day. (Yeah, I know, life is tough).
And I spent way too much time with my all-time steroids team. (Although in order to avoid legal entanglements, it is an all-time "performance enhancing" team).

For some reason, I have some things that I really find irritating today and feel the need to call out.

1) Katie Couric. I have now seen her 2007 interview with A-Rod 26 times today. If I hear that whiny, annoying voice one more time I will kill something.

See what I mean. I just beheaded an innocent passerby. Thanks, Katie.

And let's not get started on how badly she butchered the airline interview last night. Give it up and go back to meaningless fluff, hag.

2) Dick Vitale. Our friends around the world have no idea how annoying this little freak really is. Fifteen years ago, he was funny. Now he is a sad little man.

Next time I see Dickie, I might just punch him before he can say a word -- if that is physically possible.

3) The Cameron Crazies. If I hear one more time how they are a wonderful part of college basketball, I am going to throw up.

Today on This is your life...Wait, you don't have one!

Seriously, kids, have all the fun you want. Bounce around like maniacs. But if I see you standing behind Dickie V on ESPN one more time and start screaming when there is no team or game or anything else there...well, see the passerby above. Again.

4) Steroids and baseball talk. Enough, already. Who cares? They cheated, hit a bunch of homers, and their peckers won't work in 20 years. What does it matter? If they help my fantasy team, they can inject themselves with anything they want.

5) People who say Jessica Simpson is fat. Really? Who decided this? Some bitter, mousey magazine editor or wannabe blogger who got rejected by Tony Romo? If this is fat, folks, our society sucks more than Katie Couric's interview skills.

I'm not a big Jess fan, but are we kidding?

Hey, it's Monday. It's gray and gloomy in H Town. And I have a headache. And diets suck.

And dammit, no football for seven months. Aaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh!!!

Look at the bright side: you aren't on my list. Well, unless Katie Couric is secretly stalking me. In that case...sorry Katie, I was just kidding. Wanna have lunch?

Ugh. Clearly I am too old to blog and too young to die. I need a new hobby.

Wonder when Dicky's contract expires...


The Soviet said...

Jessica's not fat. She's just wearing awful jeans to hide the fact she has no talent, bless her heart.

Patricia D'Licia said...

Jessica IS the victim of a tragic outfit. She did put on pounds, but that just makes me feel better, cuz so have I!

Forget Katie Couric, have lunch with me. We can go to Souper Salad or something that works with whatever over-the-top diet you are following now. Please dont go crazy with this. Skinny Freddy lacks gravitas.

Brandy Rose said...

Jessica is Not fat, but that outfit...

Blogger said...

New Diet Taps into Pioneering Plan to Help Dieters Lose 20 Pounds in Just 21 Days!

Blogger said...

Sports betting system makes +$3,624 PROFIT last week...

Z-Code System winning picks and forecasts for NFL, NBA, MLB & NHL!