Wednesday, February 4, 2009

25 things about...well, someone

Most of the F World gang is on Facebook. So almost all of us have been getting tagged with this "25 things about me" list that is making the rounds.

Mnay of my friends have very interesting ones; I have actually learned some cool stuff about people.

I have also read some funny ones (like this) on other blogs.

I have resisted doing this on Facebook, mainly because I don't think there are 25 things that people would find interesting about me. Since I am about 1/100th as interesting as Brandy, I would probably only be able to come up with 10 real things.

The other new development is I am getting lots of friend requests from old high school amigos and amigas who I haven't seen in years. I've also got some people who really don't know me that well on my friends list.

So in true Uncle Freddy fashion, my plan is to come up with 25 things about me (fictitious, of course) that are as bizarre as possible, send them to the people who barely know me, and gauge their reaction. Over/under on people who drop me as a friend?

I say 80 percent.

So, here they are:

25. I once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. But I shot him in the leg, and it took weeks for gangrene to set in. So I didn't actually get to see it. But I heard it was interesting.

24. I eat kittens. Preferably right out of the box, but microwaved is OK, too. Sauteed is nice.

23. I once worked as a professional, um, electrical device. (shameless link to Brandy's blog). Wait a minute...that one was true.

22. I once dated Madonna and Dennis Rodman. At the same time.

21. I like to reprogram traffic lights to cause accidents.

20. I spent two years living in Nepal as Ali Akbar Faour and leading a small group of freedom fighters.

19. I was once arrested for allegedly stalking Ben Stiller.

18. I was in an acting troupe for three years and played Sparkles the Evil Clown. Sometimes, I would go out at night dressed as Sparkles to get in the character. It required some perverse acts involving small animals. I didn't enjoy them. Much.

17. I once caused a therapist to go insane by telling my Sparkles stories.

16. I worked as a professional psychic for a while. I predicted I would someday do a blog.

15. I invented the Jack and Coke.

14. Ned Beattie requested I play the hillbilly in the remake of Deliverance. We acted out the part. He squealed like a pig. I got hired; he didn't.

13. I spend one weekend a year hunting human beings in Lower Mongolia.

12. I am considered a minor deity on Guam.

11. I have naked pictures of me, Penelope Ann Miller and an ostrich. If you look hard enough on the Internet, you will find them.

10. I have Lysdexia.

9. I don't believe in torture, unless I am successful at pulling it off.

8. I was once married to Lindsay Lohan's mother's second cousin on her uncle's side.

7. I like throwing battery acid on people's pets.

6. Sometimes, for grins, I go to strip clubs and pass out fake $1 and $20 bills in exchange for dances.

5. A total of 57 women have restraining orders against me. My goal is to get to 60 by the end of 2009.

4. I like to practice my sniper skills on marathon runners.

3. I am deathly afraid of sheep. Well, sheep that talk, just in case they ever invent one of those. If so...that will be another restraining order.

2. For two years, I was a dictator in a small South American country. Over 5,000 people "disappeared" under my "re-education program."

1. I am secretly the Gargoyle, a local super-criminal who has committed thousands of crimes dressed in a sick cool Gargoyle suit. The local police are baffled, the FBI has no clue...and I have stolen millions in a kevlar Gargoyle suit. Please don't tell anyone.

Hmmmm...maybe that will cull out 100 percent of those facebook friends....


min said...

Are you sure these aren't true?

Brandy Rose said...

I freakin love it! One of my favorite posts! Abso-F-ing-lutely!

Skeeter said...

Hi Uncle Fred,

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Feel free to stop on by any old time at all. Looks like I picked the right time to visit your blog for the first time :-) Great faux-factoids.

Best wishes,