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We have a tendency in radio to overstate things, just because it's funny to us. Sometimes I will say something like, "that dude deserves to die." In reality, it's a euphemism for "that person is a below average human being."
If I say, "that dude deserves to die drowning in his own blood," that's usually a euphemism for, "that dude deserves to die."
So with that in mind, it's time to compile a list of people who deserve to die.
(Disclaimer: These are not pedophiles or sex offenders. Or serial killers, mass murderers or exes. That goes without saying. Just more general annoyances who we would be much better without).
1 -- Dorky Weezer concert dudes. See prior post.
2 -- Whoever invented rashes.
3 -- Perfume lady. (Featured in a prior post, but basically the lady who bathes in perfume and then gets on the elevator with you. Same goes for guys with cologne).
4 -- Telemarketers reading from a script. "Hello, Mr. Fay-yur, I am representing aluminum siding, Inc. We have an unbeatable offer for you today."
"Thanks, I'm not interested."
"I understand that sir, but our siding is guaranteed for 5 years, and..."
"I'm not interested, dude."
"I understand that, sir, but we are the No. 3 provider of aluminum and we were invented by John K. Savage, who..."
"I live in an apartment."
"Yes, I understand that, but our siding is the best..."
5 -- Whoever invented the Facebook blocker on office computer systems.
6 -- Stuart Scott.
7 -- People who use cell phones in public and talk about rashes and diahrrea.
8 -- Whoever left the band cart out at the UH game last night. (Here is the video of what happened. Warning, don't watch this if you are faint of heart).
9 -- Dentists who carry on conversations with you, expecting you to respond while your mouth is full of crap. "Fred, what do you think of the Rockets?"
"Mmmmppfh, gurgle, mmmpf."
"Yeah, but I think that Yao will stay healthy. And I think they have a big chance."
"Well, you are the expert. But I happen to think you are wrong."
10 -- People who self-promote and do stuff like, "please check out my other blog at http://www.examiner.com/x-1519-Houston-Sports-Examiner"
11 -- Men who try to pick up other men in the gym. (Don't ask me why, but I am a magnet for these guys. I am NOT into you. I don't roll that way. Although there is this one guy...).
12 -- Militant anythings.
13 -- People who insist on talking to you when you are clearly hung over and wish to be left alone.
14 -- People who insist on chatting with you online when you tell them, "hey, how are you? I am kind of busy at work right now but I will be in touch soon." Then they keep going anyway. "Really? You are on the air? How cool is it that I am chatting with you while you are on the air? So how is life? How have you been? How is the rash?"
15 -- Bill collectors. Especially the ones who say, "please call back. I can't help you unless I talk to you."
16 -- Parents who talk about their children as if they are completely flawless, the center of the universe, the most perfect kids ever created, then after about 30 minutes ask..."How are your kids?" And before you can answer, they jump right back in with, "oh, I forgot to tell you what mine did the other night..."
17 -- Radio talk show hosts. No, the other guys...
18 -- *People who tell you that wherever they live is better than wherever you live, because they are there and you are not. (*-Except Canadians and Aussies. Canada and Australia really ARE better. So I am told)
19 -- Whoever invented porn sites. Well, the ones that DON'T charge.
20 -- People who borrow your newspaper, take it to the restroom, spread it out on the floor, bring it back with water and brown spots, and return it to you.
Feel free to share some of your favorites...