Wednesday, December 31, 2008

It's New Year's, and I resolve to...

OK, we all need New Year's Resolutions. I suck at them, but it appears to be a moral imperative to do them. So here we go:

THE BIG ONES (The ones I am likely to try to keep)

1 -- Lose weight
2 -- Straighten out my finances
3 -- Get back to Vegas for the Main Event
4 -- Finish a new novel

THE EASY ONES

1 -- Gain weight
2 -- Spend more
3 -- Don't go anywhere
4 -- Don't do anything

OK, obviously this isn't working. Let's try some for famous people:

President Obama -- Keep smoking. Otherwise, he might get irritated and bomb North Korea.

Heath Ledger -- Avoid dying again so he can do another Batman.

Jerry Jones -- Get another facelift, just to see if there is any skin left****. (Non-Americans, just google "Jerry Jones Cowboys" and you will see what I mean.

George Clooney -- Acting lessons. And a movie that doesn't stuck.

Roger Clemens -- Someone who actually buys his BS. Well, besides his wife.

This isn't working either. Sigh. To heck with it. Here's wishing everyone an awesome 2009. The real resolution (besides the top four above) is to be as funny as possible next year and hopefully provide a chuckle or two on a bad day.

What resolutions do you have? The weirder the better...

Thanks for reading and see you all next year!

4 comments:

Dana said...

My top 5 resoulutions:

1. Lose weight (that one has been in the number one spot for 10 yrs at least)

2. Stop smoking (hopefully I wont develope a nasty lollipop habit)

3. Get my kids (and myself) through another year without piling up a mountain of therapy bills.

4. Try to be a nicer person (yeah, like that one is actually gonna happen)

5. Enjoy Life!

Have a great 2009 Dude!

Brandy Rose said...

I resolve to: "meet you and three of your favorite friends (you pick which ones) in New Orleans,we hijack the Dungeon, do jager shots until we forget our names, steal the microphone, write a song about spider monkeys and fruit bats, play guitars so loud you can't hear our voices, then ... Read Morego stumbling through the quarter looking for my next future ex wife and hope that when I find her, she doesn't have any extra equipment." Sound familiar? This will be our greatest accomplishment in 2009.

Patricia D'Licia said...

I resolve to continue to lob vaguely sexual overtures in the general direction of Fred. While it seems to interfere with the ability of my fam to actually SEE him, it brings me such joy. ..

Happy New Year Fred!

Will Faour said...

Big Ones: Get all eggs and presents this year on Roblox

Good Ones: Pray that I will be appy to leave and yel, "GOODBYE BYDS AND GOOD RIDDANCE" out to the world this June