Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Adios, amigos...DFD...I need a gimp...

First, please check out the Examiner commentary for my sports takes. I get paid per click, so please help the young man out.

Also, I am not going to comment on the Chronicle's editorial cuts until Sunday's show, so if you want that, you will have to tune in. I will say it seems pointless to make people walk the plank off the Titanic after it has already hit the iceberg. But what do I know?

Regardless, vaya con dios to those who are gone. To those remaining? I honestly give it three years max before one of the proudest and most historic businesses in our city is gone forever.

As far as non-editorial goes...one of my dearest friends -- and one of their best salespeople -- was also cut.

If CC can't sell ads for you, then you are already dead. You are just preserving your own meaningless, loser existences for another year or so. See you in the soup line, dickweeds.

Enough of that. Let's have some fun...

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A couple of people have asked what the "DFD" references are on the shows.

I would google the lyrics to "You're Gonna Go Far Kid" by the Offspring and you will figure it out.
(Make sure you are over 18). It refers to the "Dance..." line.

It's an inside joke, but almost everyone will identify with it.

Feel free to join Team DFD...

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Thanks to Brandy
, I think I need a Gimp.

I posted a weird response on her blog that was basically an obvious reference to Pulp Fiction wrapped around a subtle reference to the same movie.

But it has me thinking: I need a gimp. Someone to chain up, dress in a weird black outfit and keep in my basement.No, I would not want the Gimp for use in Russell's Ropin' Room. I would just love to have an instant servant.

Need someone to get me a beer? Bring out the Gimp.

Need someone to clean the apartment? Bring out the Gimp.

Need someone to watch over Bruce Willis while I have him chained to a chair? Bring Out The Gimp.

OK, so there are some issues. I don't have a basement. There is a downstairs apartment, but it is occupied by a guy who works on his motorcycle inside the apartment.

So the Gimp will have to live in the closet.

I do think there are some good uses for the Gimp.

Estelle Getty hits on me? Bring out the Gimp.

Elevator freak annoys me? Gimp.

Elephant woman shows up? Gim...um, never mind. I might keep that one for myself...

I think a nice pet Gimp would be a great addition to the Faour menagerie.

The Gimp could mind the store when I'm -- I mean The Gargoyle -- is out and about. The Gimp could accompany me to Vegas so I can fit in better.

Yep, I need a Gimp. If only so I can say, "bring out the Gimp." Then answer myself with, "Gimp's sleeping."

"Well, I guess you're gonna have to wake *him up then."

Applications will be accepted immediately.

(*-female Gimps will be perfectly acceptable)

6 comments:

min said...

If I pass the classes at

http://www.learngimp.net/?apid=A100307G&apflag=1&gclid=CLnqo7CqyJkCFQENDQodOnOjsg&v=1

I will apply for the job.

What's the pay?

Bevotee said...

I've seen lots of good rips on houstonpress.com, would love to hear your take re: Chrontastrophe. You gonna post, or at least link to what you said on your show?

Bernie said...

Isnt his name Patrick?

Brandy Rose said...

Ohhhh, thank you Fred, now I have an idea for my blog. "Why I think I deserve a gimp more than Fred."

Fred said...

Bevo...I am still biting me tongue on the Chron...We wound up spending about an hour on it on Sunday's show. I just don't have anything remotely positive to say.

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