Friday, November 14, 2008

Language barrier; Relationship advice from Uncle Freddy? Really?

One of my favorite things to goof off with is Facebook and some of the silly games on there. I enjoy the games like Wordscraper (dammit, it's your move, Trish) but I also have a blast on a silly horse racing game which is basically a bunch of colored pixel ponies.

My addiction to real horse racing is the stuff of legends, so being drawn to a goofy game based on it isn't a real stretch.

But as stated before on this blog, it's more the people. Most of the time, it is essentially like sitting in a bar with a bunch of other addicted degenerates talking about whatever comes up.

So it is not a stretch, too, that we all have similar interests. As such, I have made virtual friends with all sorts of wonderful people from all over the world.

(Yeah, yeah. Get a life, I know. Thanks, I have one. It's just virtual).

Regardless, there are very few Americans on there. Most are English, Aussies or Canadians.

Wonderful countries, all. Wonderful people, too.

But they don't speak English.

Well, not Texas English. Not even American English.

It's amazing how many phrases have gone off in completely different directions on different continents. (It has also led me to getting clocked in Wordscraper by these clever foreigners).

Thanks to Austin Powers, I managed to learn a few. I might take a bathroom break. The English go to the loo.

We don't have a word for loo, unless it's short for looney. (Which is what calling a bathroom a "loo" seems to be).

If your name is Randy, you can expect to get laughed at in England. While it's a nice, solid American name, it's also horny over there.

My personal favorite is the term, "fanny." In the States, it means butt, rear, etc.

In England, it apparently refers to a vagina.

I can see where this could be confusing, especially for an American/English couple. Especially if the man asks, "can I have a go at your fanny?"

Wars have been started that way.

I am also confused as to where a fanny pack is supposed to go now.

I am currently losing weight. I am not sure where I would do best. In England I would be losing stones. In Australia, kilograms. Here, it is pounds. Which would be money in England. (That might be my best bet. I am MUCH better at losing pounds in England than in America). But I WANT stones here. Sigh.

And I can't even talk to the English about tea. For some it's dinner. For other's it's lunch. For me it is a wretched drink.

And my English friends don't understand why we giggle like school girls when they talk about eating spotted dick. It's a sponge pudding for them. For us? It's someone who needs a penicillin shot.

Well, at least we all like alcohol. Even if I go to a bar and they go to a pub.

And Canadians...what is it with putting the extra "u" in every word? Is it really necessary? isn't Glamor just fine as Glamor? Why does it need to be Glamour? And humor...does it really need to be hume-you-are? That's what "humour" looks like to me.

Admittedly, I REALLY need to travel the world more. Unless I want to keep getting clocked at Wordscraper.

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OK, if you have more of these, please share. Thanks to Joy, a clever young lady from England, for her help with this. Also, much love for Vikki the Dazzling Brit, who drops stuff out of the blue that is funny as hell and sends me scurrying for a dictionary. And thanks to Brandy the Awesome American for speaking the same language and wanting me to be president. And Virtual Val, the Canadian goddess, who puts a u in every word that has an o just to confuse me.

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In response to C-squared's comment below...You want relationship advice from ME? What's next, human rights advice from Saddam Hussein? Bar Mitzvah advice from the pope? Coaching advice from Gary Kubiak? How to spell O words from Val?

Try this: At our age, until you purchase a ring, you are just friends. (That's what you get for dating 18 year olds). You don't need to drop that fact on them until you have been dating for about a month. Tell them it's a late 30s/early 40s thing.

Oh, and K-10 offsuit is not a good hand....:-)

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7 comments:

Dana said...

Yes, I can see where you could get confused. But, dude, we have the same problem in the US, heck you cant even understand the language in parts of Texas! (not to mention Louisiana, or Massachusetts) In east texas they call the trunk of your car a "turtle hull"...I you told someone in houston that you had to get something out of your turtle hull, they would either have you committed or think you were a big TMNT fan...which would also get you committed! Great blog dude!

david said...

Acknowledgement of the Colourful language is appreciated.

The Cheque is in the mail.

Do me a favour though and do learn our language. You might want to wear a touque (I will give Virutal Val credit for that word) when doing so.

Anonymous said...

Got a couple of toonies? We can go to Timmies for a double double - and don't forget your touque - its cold outside! - Hu

Chris C said...

K-10 off isn't very good. But since I had KJ suited with 4 others in a $10 raised pot and the board hit 8-9-10 with 2 hearts it's tough for me to fold!?! ;)

I did lose $400 after you left with pocket Aces to KJ after the flop was K-J-5...it happens!?

18 year olds? Dude you so forgot the "rule" = half your age plus 7. That means I'm good for 25 yrs old and above. I'm in for 1, possibly 2. 3 is too many!!

Patricia D'Licia said...

Did I stand you up on some game? Oh dear, I can't even FIND whatever game it is we are supposedly playing. Or was your jab addressed to some other Trish? I feel cheated on already. . . Send a poke or somesuch so I can find it. I hate to miss the opportunity to kick your ass in some word based game; and I applaud your willingness to take the abuse.

Dana -wtf? I lived in deep east Tx for YEARS and never heard it called a "turtle hull". I did eventually get used to calling shopping carts "buggies", though.

Valerie said...

Freddy, you are my favourite blogger, but people are clamouring for me to correct your humour on one very important point. You are labouring under the misconception that the "u" usage is uniquely Canadian. To honour its roots I must point out that this is the proper British spelling of these words, which means all English-speaking countries EXCEPT the US spell this way. I hope you can appreciate my candour in this matter. Please don't harbour any grudges at my vigourous defence of our language.

Oh - and a *loonie* in Canada has two meanings:

1. A $1 coin
2. Fred Faour (oh, hang on, should that be Faor?)

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