Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Fear the clown! Football! Como se dice, WTF in Espanol?









Would you date this man?

This is my good friend, Sparkles the Evil Clown.
Are you scared? Intimidated? Worried?

Sparkles is my alter ego (well, one of them).
I am constantly amazed at people's irrational fear of clowns. Sparkles here has people frightened. So, too, did IT.

There are many famous clowns. Bozo. Coco. Obama. McCain.

I wanted an evil clown for my facebook page, so I did a search for evil clowns. I found this guy. I have no idea who he really is, but to me, he will always be Sparkles.

I love Sparkles. I love bringing him out to scare and intimidate.

I think Sparkles is horribly misunderstood. He's cute. Cuddly. But at the same time, fearsome. He represents the duality of mankind. Or clownkind.

The only clown I ever found scary was the clown in Poltergeist. That clown, along with the evil old man in Poltergeist II, might have been the scariest things ever on film. (See my good friends at the top of the page)

So we did a greatest fears bit for the Saturday show. Gina the horse babe was the hands-down winner with a strange fear of inflatable floats from parades. (By the way, Gina has a future in radio. She's hilarious!)

Excluding exes and former employers, my top five scary things list:

1) Feet
2) Tornadoes
3) Politicians
4) The Rock in drag (find the old SNL skit and you will see what I mean)
5) The IRS

My feet hatred is well known (there is a post below if you dig far enough).

What are your greatest fears? Are you scared of clowns? Do you hate Sparkles?

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It's football season! Saturday I will be at Robertson Stadium with a full beer, watching UH beat up on Southern. The best part of the year is here! The sports wasteland (i.e., baseball season) is over!

We had our fantasy football draft on Saturday. It was a blast. Got a chance to see my old pals Black Cloud Charlie and Miracle Mag. Charlie was a blast to work with back at the hell hole. Mag is the coolest breeze you will ever meet.

Fantasy football is an addiction. I wonder; do the Aussies have fantasy rubgy? The Canadians have fantasy hockey? The English have fantasy...cricket? Soccer?

A few points for my fantasy football comrades:

1) You are not a coach. You are not a GM. You are a fantasy geek, just like me*.

(*-C-squared is a fantasy professional. He is excused from the conversation).

2) Just because you know fantasy does not mean you know football. (Memo to fantasy "coaches:" in real football, you have to do little things like block and tackle.

3) If you are in more than three leagues, you have a problem.

4) If you know that Andre Hall is the Broncos backup running back, you have a problem.

5) I have a problem.

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You will never read about the LPGA on this blog.

Except now.

The LPGA is the Ladies Professional Golf Tour.

The only reason they are in this blog is because the LPGA has decided that all players have to learn to speak English within two years or face suspension.

The main reason is 11 of the top 30 players are South Korean. Some do not speak English.

This is hypocrisy at its worst. An organization that markets heavily to Mexico and promotes star Lorena Ochoa; an organization that holds a major tournament overseas that encourages European players; an organization that marketed South Korean golf pioneer Se Ri Pak because she was attractive and Asian.

Yes, it would be nice if everybody could talk to sponsors and be interviewed after they win. But sports is supposed to be a universal language. It is supposed to bring us together.

So to the insignificant LPGA Tour, you've made the big time with this announcement. You are officially hypocritical jerks and I hope you all drown in your own blood.

Como se dice, "bad management" in Ingles?

1) LPGA
2) The Chronicle
3) The Astros
4) All of the above

Speaking of clowns...

6 comments:

Em said...

Yes we have fantasy soccer in England (but we call it football) but I'll keep saying soccer to avoid confusion.
It is a big big deal amongst menfolk. My own other half is involved in about five different fantasy soccer leagues.
Now that's sad.

ChrisC said...

Sparkles is damn scary! I grew up watching BOZO the Clown and also Claribel so they're aight. Sparkles? Not so much! Looks like a skinny John Wayne Gacy...nuff said!

How'd you fare in your fantasy draft? I did pretty well, still some tweaking to do prior to Week 1 but overall I p'owned it.

Andre Hall I know... but maybe ex-Coog Anthony Aldridge surprises down the road or Ryan Torian; now that's scary!

#3 on bad management...OUCH! ;)

Dana said...

You already know my vast fear of clowns (Ronald McDonald is the anti-christ) but they are not at the top of my list. Spiders, Clowns, Heights and Meat Cleavers..in that order. God forbid i ever find myself on a platform in the air with a clown that is holding a meat cleaver in one hand and a tarantula in the other! And your pal Sparkles is wicked scary.

Great Blog...keep them coming!

Patricia D'Licia said...

I have many irrational fears, Clowns being a major player in the list. Others: Monkeys/Chimps, especially in clothes. The skin between the sections of oranges. Chickens. Upper management.

I am not afraid of heights, burning buildings, rats, spiders, snakes, worms, driving fast, organized religion, or capri pants (my sister is afraid of those.)

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