Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Let's see where we take this; I love you! Really!

Just free-riffing a little today to see where this goes. I didn't get to bounce any of these off Virtual Val, so if they suck, blame her....

If you missed the Sunday show, you missed our pal Hu singing a duet of Barbie girl with Matty D. Funny stuff. The topic was the most annoying songs of all time.

My personal top five:

5) Achy Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus.

4) This Kiss, Faith Hill.

3) Party all the Time, Eddie Murphy

2) Who Let the Dogs out? The Baja Men

1) The Barney Song

I had never heard the Barbie song and was properly berated. I don't how I missed it, but I am damned glad I did.

Saturday we did the best lies ever told.

The top five sports liars:

5) We had Brett Favre, but that was really just tied to the news of the week. Pete Rose gets the spot for real.

4) Rafael Palmeiro. "I have never used steroids. Period."

3) Michael Vick. "Who let the dogs out?"

2) Nick Saban. (Pick any of his job changes)

1) Roger Clemens. Too easy. And keep your slider away from the 15-year-olds big fella.

The top five all time liars:

5) Richard Nixon. "I am not a crook."

4) Any of the world-class plagiarists. Jayson Blair, NY Times, Janet Cooke, Washington Post, Stephen Glass. They are all the same evil creature.

3) Big Bad Bill Clinton. "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." Give that man a cigar.

2) O.J. Simpson. But hey, if it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

1) Enron. This is Houston after all. The impact will be felt for decades. RIP, Ken Lay. Or not.

Then the top five lies of all time:

5 -- The check's in the mail.

4 -- This is the first time I have ever done this.

3 -- I've never been this drunk before

2 -- I'll never get this drunk again.

1 -- I love you!

Thanks to everyone who contributed!
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Check out my man Sean's blog at http://sportskolache.blogspot.com

Dude is hilarious. If there is a funnier human being on the planet, I don't know him. (Well, Val is up there, but she doesn't have a blog. I will just have to keep stealing her stuff and pretending like it's mine. Remember, good artists borrow; great artists steal).

You might know him as the Smack Off master on the Rome show. He also does a great sports talk show on 1560 from 2-6 p.m.

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Birthday greetings for the following folks: Will The Thrill Faour, 10, Wednesday July 9; Min the Master, Tuesday July 8; and Perfect Kelly, also Tuesday July 8. The latter two do their best to keep me sane. (Will does his best to push me the other way). Min should be a comedian and Kelly is just an all around cool breeze.

Will is a great kid. Can't believe he is already 10 years old. Pretty proud of the little dude (and his sister). They have handled the turmoil of the last year like world champs. Happy birthday big man.

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The most depressing feeling in the world is the few minutes after you get knocked out of a big poker tournament. It's like a death. I honestly have never felt anything else like it. Even if you made a deep run, it's still a miserable, somebody-tortured-and-killed-my-dog feeling.

It was even more depressing not making it to the Series this year. It was doubly deflating to get the text from Matt that he went busto. So if I was a little grumpy this past weekend, that's why. This whole weekend felt like those few moments after I get knocked out.

(Props to Matt for the best line of the weekend. The buy-in was 10k; we had a $1 bet on the Wimbledon men's final. He texted me and said: "Hey, I only lost $9,999 today! Nadal won!")

Memo to any potential future ex wives: There are two times to avoid me at all costs; after a UH football loss and when I get knocked out of a tournament. I am as pleasant as a rabid porcupine with a fierce freaking headache and an ex-wife on his ass.

In fact, that lie list above? When I got knocked out of the main event in 2006, it spawned all five...

5 -- "Hey, IRS...the check is in the mail."

4 -- "This is the first time I have gotten this pissed. I've never reacted like this before."

3 -- "Yeah, I am a little lit, but I was depressed. I have never had this much to drink before."

2 -- (Next morning). "Ugggghhh....I will never drink this much again."

1 -- To whoever knocked me out: "I love you."

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ummm....5, 4, 3, 4, 5? Dude, stay away from math.

And why is everything always my fault around you people?

Val

Fred said...

OK, so I wasn't awake. It was fixed. And you are the center of our universe, V -- everything is your fault!

Anonymous said...

I got mentioned in your blog! My day is made!

Hu

xoxo

PS it is always Val's fault!

Sandy said...

Wow am i I ever pissed that I missed the duet last week, Damn time zones!!!!
I love that you put everything on Val's shoulders....Val, you need your own blog!!!! It would be great! There could be a "Blog-off" between you and Fred.
And Fred, I am sure glad I wasn't around to see you in one of your porcupine moods!!!

Sandy

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