Monday, July 20, 2009

Naked mimes and other assorted weirdness...

First, check out the sports takes at Examiner.com. I try to update it every day, so please give it a read.

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OK, it's a Monday. After watching the same movies over and over again this past weekend, I am frustrated. I need something new. Something fun. Something weird.

Maybe some new movies. Maybe a new sport. Maybe just something disturbing.

Maybe all of the above:

1) Scarface, the Musical. Think of the song list: Say Hello to My Little Friend, Every Day Above Ground is a Good Day, Say Goodnight to the Bad Guy, I Got Ears, ya know.

Tony Montana pulls out his machine gun, then breaks into song.

(To the tune of the Beatle's Love Me Do)

"Say, say hello

Say, say hello

Say, say hello

...to myyyyyyyyy

Little friend."

Of course, Pacino doesn't have the greatest singing voice, but that is part of the charm of the movie.

2) Mosquito Fights. This could have saved Michel Vick his job. After all, people get furious over dogfighting. Would they care if we bred, raised, and trained mosquitoes to fight to the death?

Would the, um, bloodletting really offend anyone?

3) Joe Pesci as the Mafia Monk. "You know, Euphalias, you are a f---ing mumbling, stuttering little f---. You know that?"

"You made me put your head in a vise for that f---ing monk?"

"Et cum spirite, de spiritus sanctum, amen, you stupid motherf---er."

4) Samuel L. Jackson as Hamlet.

"Does Horatio Look like a bitch?"

"Gimme my skull. It's the one that says bad motherf----er."

"To die, to sleep, perchance to dream. Hey! Wake your ass up! I ain't got time for this."

"I am the foot, f----ing master, Portia."

5) Naked Mimes. I don't know why, but I want to see feeling the invisible barrier in the nude. Fake ice skating in the raw.

According to Wikipedia, Traiānus banished pantomimists; Caligula favored them; Aurelius made them priests of Apollōn. Nero himself acted as a mime.

What does that mean? Not a damned thing. But they would be funnier naked. Maybe it's already been done. Maybe that's why Caligula was so into them.

Yes, you would paint all the parts, in case you were curious.

OK, I am officially weirded out by myself now. What did you expect? It's Monday.

I wanted weird. Mission accomplished.