An experimental entry...and ode to the monkey man

This is a test. This is only a test. If it had been a real emergency, you would already be dead.

Actually, this is more of a social experiment for use in my Mass Communications class. Feel free to follow along in your books.

What is the real purpose of this blog? Self expression? A writing outlet? A place where spider monkeys and evil clowns can feel welcome? Where freaks can be forever analyzed? Where the elephant woman, carjacker and wheelchair prostitute can find piece of...well, something?

The answer, quite simply, is all of the above.

What would this world be without freaks and misfits? People -- or creatures -- who entertain us? And what would the world be without vehicles like this to highlight their exploits?

Hence the return of the Monkey Man.

My first encounter with the Monkey Man came over a year ago. He was near the station at Gessner and Westheimer. He was a homeless man who looked exactly like the Monkey Man from the Golden Child, a relatively terrible Eddie Murphy movie.

I felt badly for the Monkey Man. Was there no job for a character actor who looked like a monkey? Was he typecast in Golden Child?

He was back the other day, standing outside of Hooters, of all places. He seemed more beaten down than ever. He wasn't even lustily eyeing the orange shorts. He seemed more interested in the wings.

Sad.

As I gave him a dollar for cleaning off my windshield, I wanted to tell him how much I had missed him. How Golden Child II might still happen. How Eddie Murphy's career had gone to hell, too.

(Check out the video above. He has a brief appearance standing next to the bad guy, 8-11 second mark).

I did my best to give him a pep talk. I implored him not to give up. Maybe a bath, a new agent...something might break for him yet.

Hey, it worked for Meredith Vieira. There is hope.

Cell phones, texting, and no -------- while driving? No way...

OK, I promise to get back to updating this thing at least once a week if not a little more often.

I haven't had my usual freak encounters (well, I have, but since they all involved co-workers...Just kidding folks).

We had an exercise in our journalism class where the students wrote columns on cell phone use while driving. They did a nice job, made good points.

Oddly enough, driving to work this morning, I saw something much more dangerous. And much stranger.

A car was weaving on the beltway, in the right lane, slipping into the left, back to the right, all over the place. It was about 7:20 a.m., so I didn't think the person was drunk.

My first thought was texting, but then I wondered if maybe he/she was ill or perhaps even having a heart attack.

I tried to get close enough to see what was up. I instantly regretted it.

HE was not on the phone. Or sick. Well, not physically sick. Our driver was quite clearly pleasuring himself as he was driving.

I was left to wonder what would inspire that? Was he practicing his shifting? Working on his multitasking? Then again, the car was a hybrid. Maybe it needed some weird lube job.

It gives a new meaning to the term "Carjacking."

Maybe he needed a hands free device.

Needless to say, I got away as quickly as possible. But if you see a smarmy looking dude with black glasses in a blue Prius, swerving from lane to lane, just make sure you have protection.

Hey, maybe he could get on the cell phone, have phone sex and combine the two while driving!

Can't wait to read what they find when they pull that body out of the wreckage...

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The official countdown will be a week on Friday. Can't wait to get The Val in town. We will need a new nickname for her, however, since Virtual Val won't be Virtual anymore...

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And happy birthday No. 8 for Katie Faour, who just for old time's sake had to throw a visit to the emergency room in last week. (She's fine). Here is what I wrote last year about her...