Thursday, April 9, 2009

Yes, I am a blasphemer...What's in a name?

I am going to upset everyone be saying something I have believed since I was a kid. Most of you will consider it blasphemy. Many of you will hate me and threaten to kill me.

But there might be one of you out there who actually agrees with me. And we shall stand together, arm in arm and tell the world that everyone else is wrong. We shall walk them out of Plato's cave and show them the outside world. We will change the universe for the better.

I am going to dispel the greatest myth of the 20th and 21st century. This is an important moment for society. I know I will be ostracized, but I am prepared for that.

So here goes:

Led Zeppelin is the most overrated band in the history of the known universe.

There, I said it.

Yes, Led Zeppelin sucks. I know I will have to watch out for snipers, hit men and other assorted mercenaries, but I can be silent no more.

For decades I have heard their music described as "transcendent" and "magical."

How about "lousy?" How about the worst live show you will ever see? How about Heart's cover version sounds better?

That's the Facebook Top Five list I want -- most overrated rock bands/musicians of all time.

Just to piss off anyone I missed, here are the others:

2) Bruce Springsteen. Has he done anything in 20 years? Is he even relevant? Born to Run and Glory Days. Great, a two-hit wonder. Disappear, freak show.

3) Nirvana. Oh, come on. If dude hadn't kicked, would you even care? Soundgarden was better.

4) Pink Floyd. Really? Listen to them again without doing drugs and get back to me.

5) U2. Edge is a horrible guitarist. A few lessons and he might sound like a 6-year-old. They take themselves too damned seriously. Yes, I like a few of their songs, but that is why they are only No. 5 on the list.

OK, hate away...


Thursday was national "Name Yourself Day."

Apparently, for one day, you are allowed to change your name to whatever you want. Yes, it is a stupid concept, but I spent all morning trying to come up with a new name. (It should be easy, but since I still haven't come up with a real nickname for myself yet...)

So I ran the gamut, starting with some great movie names -- Chest Rockwell, Brock Landers...Dirk Diggler. (Hmmm...wonder what movie is stuck in my head right now?)

Maybe I could go all Pulp Fiction and just be The Wolf?

Or maybe The Gargoyle? (Oh, that one is taken. Damn. Maybe Freddy Gargoyle?).

If I wasn't such a lousy writer, I could be Word Smith.

Or maybe I could go all Hollywood and be Lavender Cruise. Or Sebastian Selleck. Or Denny Degenerate.

Or gangster? Henry Hill. Vito Andolini. Nicky Santoro.

Maybe I should go animal. Gary Giraffe. Peter Platypus.

Spider Monkey?

I like that. Spider P. Monkey. Done and done. (P. for Poindexter).

OK, that was easy.


andonoff said...

Not only do I hate you but I will also send you a Partridge Family Album to help with your musical pain

Dana said...

Your not the only one who doesnt like Springsteen...I passed on free floor tickets to last nights concert!