I want my own Wikipedia page, dammit

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Will Faour read the post before this one and complained that he and Katie were not mentioned. You guys get run all the time. We interrupt your playing of Roblox or being on Youtube to say you just got your own paragraph. Happy?

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I want to know how famous I need to be to get my own Wikipedia page. That is my new standard for success in life.

Clearly, I am a complete failure. Apparently, radio host/blogger/online columnist/former editor/degenerate is not enough to get me on Wiki.

What will it take?

Apparently, every Pope is on there, including this guy.

Pope Vigilius? Really? A dude who has been dead since 555?

Richard Justice has a wiki page. He used to yell at me all the time when I was his boss. Is that fair?

Matt Dean has a wiki page. No, not THAT Matt Dean. Some Minnesota politician. He has a page. He is an architect. Great.

We brought this up on the show, and Rob Mungle called in. He, of course, has a wiki page. Yes, his bio is just one sentence: Robert Louis Mungle (Born 1968 in Houston, Texas) is an anime voice actor for ADV Films, he is also a stand-up comedian.

Rob said it was "no big deal. Anybody can be on there."

Anyone but me, apparently.

There are eight dudes named Bob Jones on there. EIGHT. One is a Christian Evangelist who founded Bob Jones University. Thanks to him, Bob Jr. and Bob III got wiki pages too, in the line of succession as President of Bob Jones U.

The other Bob Joneses include two baseball players, a New Zealand tycoon, a Texas businessman and a member of the U.S. House of Representatives.

But no Fred Faour. In fact, no Faours at all.

We do, however, have a wiki page for ESPN 97.5 The Ticket. It mentions Put Up Your Dukes with Carl Dukes. It mentions Calvin Murphy. It even mentions Julie Takahashi.

No Front Page. No Fred Faour or Matt Dean (the radio star, not the architect).

Will offered to create one for me after I die. So great. I won't be able to enjoy my moderate fame if I am dead.

The are nine Jim Smiths. There are 28 Mike Joneses, including a canoeist, new age pianist and a personal trainer who allegedly had an affair with evangelical preacher Ted Arthur Haggard.

So, apparently, if you are an Evangelist, you not only get a page, but anyone you do gets a page as well.

There are nine Valerie pages, even one about the name itself. There are 27 Fred pages, but apparently the name is not interesting enough to get its own page.

One Fred was a Vermont farmer who simply ran for senate. Another Fred was "one of Joe's two best friends in the animated series Time Warp Trio." Just one of two best friends? Apparently, Fred is not worthy of being a best friend on his own.

The biggest insult? There are 27 Barts. Even my haters are all over Wiki.

I am going to make it to Wiki one day. If I have to run for senate, become an Evangelist or let it be rumored that I had an affair with an Evangelist.

Or I could just die. Then Will could make a page for me, and Bart would be happy.

Until then, I will just have to settle for this. Or maybe this.

Sorry, it's not enough. I want my own Wiki page, dammit.