Get off the phone and I'll get off your a**

Thanks to my man Nathan for reminding me of this story...

Are you one of those talk on your cell phone in public people? Out loud, where everyone can hear you? In restaurants? At your kids events? In elevators? ("Wait, hang on, I'm losing you...I'm in an elevator...wait, I'm back, no...dammit!")

That's annoying enough.

I can beat that.

Recently I was having lunch at my favorite little hole in the wall Chinese restaurant near Casa del Freddy. Hunan Hut is small; it's rarely crowded, and it is very quiet. On this particular day, there were about 10 people. I was looking forward to a nice, quiet meal while reading my Cardplayer.

The couple two tables over then started making phone calls. On speaker phone.

First, I found out that Betsy won't be visiting; she's still upset that her husband is cheating on her.

Then I found out that our couple's charity was being investigated for possible IRS violations.

But that was the tame stuff. The woman -- a mousy, grousing sort in her 50s -- got a call from her doctor.

To schedule her hemorrhoid surgery.

The whole restaurant heard details we would not want to know about our closest friends. How there were "seeping sores" that needed to be dealt with immediately.

Suddenly my Chicken Lo Mein did not taste so good.

The couple at the table next to them got up and left without a word. The other people were so old they were having problems hearing each other, much less the phone.

The worst part? There was no Uncle Freddy response. No smart aleck comment. No "get your seeping sore ass off the phone while I am eating."

Maybe I've gone soft. I just sat there, annoyed, reading something about Hellmuth taking a bad beat.

The good news is I didn't finish my plate, so it helped with my diet.

I HATE speaker phone. I hate being on them and won't talk if someone is on speaker on the other end. I use to HATE when people would put speaker on at the old office to check their messages. I don't want to hear your crap.

I damn sure don't want to hear someone's loud, annoying personal phone calls about their hemorrhoids.

On the other hand, I hope Betsy reconsiders and visits. She sounds like fun.